FUN-PAGE

The cbfsea prepares this page for some light moments in our ministry. Let’s have fun sometimes. Send your funny experiences to us in the field and let us laugh together with the Word! The Star of the Sea in Cebu conceptualized this page.

Thanks!
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KIDS IN CHURCH   

3-year-old Reese :   
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.  
Amen.'
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A little boy was overheard praying:
  
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. 
I'm having a real good time like I am.'  


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After the christening of his baby brother in church,

Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.  
His father asked him three times what was wrong.  
Finally, the  boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,  
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'  


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One particular four-year-old prayed,
  
'And forgive us our trash baskets     
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.' 


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A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they 
were on the way to church service,  
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?' 
One bright little girl  replied,  
'Because people are sleeping.'  


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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.  
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.  
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. 
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,  
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' 
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,    
' Ryan , you be Jesus !' 


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A father was at the beach with his children 
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,  
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore  
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.  
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked. 
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied. 
The boy thought a moment and then said, 
'Did God throw him back down?'  
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A wife invited some people to dinner.  
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,  
'Would you like to say the blessing?'    
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.  
'Just say what you  hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.   
The daughter bowed her head and said,  
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'  
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Smiles from the Bible

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Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.


Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David’s Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in oneAccord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at?once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around
Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.


Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn’t they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck.

PS. Did you know it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it’s in the Bible. It says . . . “He-brews”

KEEP SMILING!!! GOD LOVES YOU BUNCHES AND BUNCHES!!!!
Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.


Faith, Hope and Love… but the greatest of these is LOVE.
1Corinthians13:13

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JOKES YOU CAN TELL IN CHURCH
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of
her life.”

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom
wearing black?”

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A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear
Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be
late!”

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting
her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off,
and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray, “Dear
Lord, please don’t let me be late, but please don’t shove me again
either!”

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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says, “My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he
calls it a poem, and they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a
piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.”

The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on
a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. It takes eight people to collect
all the money!”

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An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no
male pallbearers.

In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote,
“Men wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, so I don’t want them to take me
out when I’m dead.”

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A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do if you had
to arrest your own mother?”

Without hesitation, the recruit answered, “Call for backup.”

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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus
with them to Jerusalem.

After a few seconds, one of the little girls replied, “They couldn’t get a
babysitter.”

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds.

After explaining the Commandment to honor thy father and thy mother, she
asked, “Is there a Commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers
and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”

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At Sunday school, they were teaching how God created everything, including
human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was
created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week, his mother noticed
him lying down as though he were ill. She asked, “Johnny, what’s the
matter?”

Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a
wife.”

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SENIOR MOMENT

For those who have just changed their typewriters to computers now that they reached already their senior years… you will enjoy this one! Just hit and click the picture again and again…

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CONFESSION
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The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, “It was a good idea to replace the first four rows of pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.”

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, “And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to the church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock ‘n roll gospel choir. We are packed to the balcony!!”

“Thank you, Father,” answered the young priest. “I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.”

“However,” said the elderly priest, “I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.”

“But, Father,” protested the young priest, “my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!”

“I know, son, but that flashing neon sign, “Toot ‘n Tell or Go to Hell,” just can’t stay on the church roof.

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Catholic Education Class
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Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. “Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?”

When Mary Margaret didn’t stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. “God Almighty!” shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, “Very good” and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But Mary didn’t stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. “Jesus Christ!!!” shouted Mary Margaret, and the Nun once again said, “Very good,” and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question…”What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”

The Nun fainted…

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THE BIBLE WITH KIDS
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Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you know the bible even a little, you’ll find this funny! It comes from a Catholic Elementary School test, kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments.

The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect
spelling has been left in.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE.
NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY
MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH S BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA . THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN
JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND
STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS,
SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24. T.PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY

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“TWO KING-KING”
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We have a Philipina novice in Bandung.
She asked what book of the Bible they were studying.
Her Indonesian friend informed, “Two King-king” …
“What? Never heard of Kingking in the Bible… maybe… Kingkong…???”

(The Indonesian friend meant to say Two Kings. In Indonesian the plural is always a repitition of the word. So “Dua Raja-raja” becomes “Two King-king”.)

God bless.
Emma G

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TIME…. CLICK THIS…. WHAT WILL MATTER
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Ducks in Heaven
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Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!”

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on … very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”

The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”

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CHANGING JOBS
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A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, “Please, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me.”

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, “I’m sorry, it’s really not your fault at all.

Today is my first day driving a cab ….

I have been driving a funeral car for the last 25 years.

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2 Responses

  1. Dear Star, dear Sr Emma,
    The jokes and cartoons on the fun-page are tremendous!I had a great laugh!
    Have a good day, bye for now, Kirsten

  2. Hello Kirsten,

    Thanks for your comments. Do you think we should continue to develop this page? We need more contributions from the field specially first hand funny experiences in the biblical apostolate.

    cbfsea

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